Taken individually, certain behaviours may seem almost trivial. Asking where the other person is. Criticising their friends. Checking their spending. Insisting on knowing their phone’s PIN. But when they accumulate, they end up forming a veritable system of domination.
Coercive control can involve monitoring movements, dictating how someone dresses, preventing them from working, confiscating their income, checking their official documents, reading their messages, tracking their phone’s location, restricting contact with family, dictating their sleeping hours, or using the children to maintain pressure. It can also take the form of humiliation, threats, blackmail involving suicide, or a constant climate of fear.
The victim no longer simply asks themselves what they want. They are constantly anticipating the other person’s reaction: ‘Will he or she get angry?’, ‘Can I go out without causing a row?’, ‘Am I allowed to spend this money?’ Little by little, they adapt their entire life to avoid retaliation.
This is precisely what distinguishes coercive control from an ordinary relationship conflict. In a conflict, two people can disagree whilst retaining their freedom. In coercive control, one person systematically erodes the other’s autonomy. The key question is therefore not: ‘Are there arguments?’, but: ‘Does either partner still have the right to make decisions freely?’
Is this a form of violence exclusive to men?
No. A woman can exercise coercive control over a man. This form of violence also exists in gay and lesbian relationships. Male victims must be able to have their voices heard without irony, without automatic suspicion and without this absurd demand that they be ‘strong enough’ to defend themselves on their own.
But acknowledging this reality does not mean that the phenomenon is perfectly symmetrical. French data on domestic violence recorded in 2024 show that 84 per cent of victims are women and that 85 per cent of those accused are men. Women are also more exposed to repeated, sexual, serious or fatal violence. Coercive control is therefore overwhelmingly a form of male violence perpetrated against women, even if it is not exclusively directed at them. ?Ministry of the Interior
We must hold these two truths together: no victim should be overlooked because of their gender, but nor should the statistics be denied in the name of theoretical equality. It is true that men can be victims. To claim that the proportions, mechanisms and consequences are identical is not.
Coercive control may, moreover, continue – or even intensify – after separation. A proliferation of legal proceedings, refusal to return the children, incessant messages, digital surveillance, deliberately unpaid maintenance payments or the use of parental authority then become new instruments of domination. Leaving the home is not always enough to escape the system.
In France, coercive control is not yet a clearly established standalone criminal offence under that name. However, several of the behaviours that constitute it can be prosecuted: domestic harassment, threats, psychological abuse, invasion of privacy, cyberviolence or economic abuse. A proposal to explicitly enshrine this concept in law was adopted by the National Assembly in January 2025, but its legislative process has not yet been completed. National Assembly
Naming ‘coercive control’ helps us understand why some victims stay, return or seem unable to leave. It is not necessarily because they accept the situation. It is often because their confidence, resources, relationships and decision-making capacity have been systematically destroyed.
Domestic violence does not always begin with a blow. It may start with a demand for a password, a ban on going out, or a remark presented as proof of love. Its underlying aim remains the same: to replace the freedom to exist with the other person’s permission.
In the event of immediate danger: 17 or 112, and 114 by text message. The 3919 helpline listens to and provides guidance for women who are victims, as well as those close to them; male victims can contact 116 006, a general victim support service.
